A CHUCKLE 4U - "Friends"

Friends are like bras - close to the heart and always their for support.

If no one told you they love you today, you are hanging with the wrong people.

A CHUCKLE 4U - "Do You Hear What I Hear?"

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there is a simple, informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet away from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again, he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again, there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

(I just love this! =)

"Chicken, Ralph! For the FIFTH TIME, CHICKEN!"

FUNNY SOUNDS ON THE WAY HOME

. . . and here is what caused all those funny sounds!

Can you see those two goofy eyeballs? They belong to our "Cutie." She does the craziest things for her little brother just to make him laugh and squeal and screech!

I ASKED FOR IT . . . AND BOY, DID I GET IT

I woke up this morning to check on Amorphophallus titanumi Corpse Flower Lois and to my surprise this is what I found!!!!!! =P

Be sure to TURN UP the volume on this clip (or your computer) and turn DOWN (or mute) the volume on my playlist at the bottom of my blog. If you don't do this, the music on my blog will interfere with this video's song.

FYI - The volume and mute button are located beneath the two exclamation marks in the upper right-hand corner of the playlist box. Click on the volume lever and drag it downward or just click on the "speaker" looking button to mute. Easy, Cheesy, Peasy, right? :)


A Song For Lois [Amorphophallus titanum] from HMNS on Vimeo.


Ode to Lois
Written and performed by Kelsey Williams

Get up extra early, just to see
That totally awesome flower that’s taller than you or me
She sits in the Butterfly Center at HMNS
When she blooms you’ll smell her for a half mile radius
Oh, Lois. Come on and let your corpse-smell flow-is.
Open up your petals and show us.
Cuz we’ve been waiting one whole week
Runnin up flights of stairs to get a peek
Of Lois. Come on and let your corpse-smell flow-is.
Runnin out of words that rhyme with Lois.
La la la la la la la la grow for us.

Hurry up and bloom, alright? Or else they’re gonna start a fight
Cuz they’ve been waiting a while in line, to get a glimpse for which they pine
Of everybody’s favorite plant
Thanks for putting up with my rant
And thanks most of all, to Lois!

Lois is quite a muse! in addition to inspiring this song, she’s also inspired more than 3 dozen haiku! Watch her on our Corpse Flower webcam any time – and she if she inspires you, too.

AMORPHOPHALLUS TITANUMI

[Be warned: this post is written with tongue in cheek and should be read as such.]

I want y'all to think for a minute. What girl hasn't wished for a beautiful song to be written about her? A song dedicated to her timeless beauty. A song extolling her many virtues. A song she can call her own. Ahhhhh, a song envied by all other girls. *long, slow, and deep inhalation followed by a quick exhale*
I have dreamed of that kind of song for myself. Alas, there are none to be found. Oh, sure, there are those songs that make mention of Superman and Lois Lane, but that doesn't count. I can't call them mine - they were not written FOR ME. *Chanting: I must not allow bitterness to settle within my heart. I must not. Also, biting my fingers in exaggeration like they do in the movies, closing my eyes, and turning my face away*
Cheer up, friends! I may not have a famous song written about me, nor for me, nor even vaguely hinting of my effervescence and style. But I do have this one thing . . . Amorphophallus titanumi. *Aha! Bet you can't say that. Literally!*

You may be asking, "What is Amorphophallus titanumi?"

You may be saying, "Why, that sounds AMAZING? I wish I had one!"

You may even be a LIT-tle bit jealous that you don't have one of your own - exclaiming, "I want one! I want one, too! And I want it NOW!!!!!" *stamping your feet and adopting a sour expression*

Relax. I do not wish for you to remain in suspenders. Uh, no, I mean in suspense. I will now reveal what Amorphophallus titanumi is. It is a flower. But wait! It is not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill flower. This flower reaches heights of 7-10 feet and has a diameter of 5-6 feet. This floral beauty is one of the largest and rarest flowers in the world!

Actually, it is quite a "celebrity" among the plant community, *taking on a deep, braggadocios radio voice and a smug appearance with one eyebrow lifted slightly higher than the other as I slant my head to one side like a cockatoo while continuing to speak* AND she is affectionately referred to as "Lois." (Don't you wish you were me?)

Check out this photo.
This specimen is on display in the Cockrell Butterfly Center at the Houston Museum of Natural Science. *Ooooh's and ahhhh's* She is quite the diva. My sources tell me that she was expected to be in full bloom over the weekend between July 9 - 11, 2010, but she hasn't done so as of the writing of this post. People are FLOCKING from all directions just to get a glimpse of her. She is being blogged about. You can watch her grow live on web cam. She even twitters! Yes, all eyes are on her. The crowds are out of control! Amorphophallus titanumi . . . Lois fever has hit the great state of Texas. Dare I say . . . the nation, as well?

"Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! With such an exquisite, priceless, and rare flower as this bearing MY name, I say, 'Who needs a song written about them?' " *In case you didn't get it, this laughter and question are to be read as if they were malicious, taunting, and umm, what's that word? Oh yeah, boastful.*

TIME OUT/CUT/STOP THE PRESSES: Uh, this is kinda embarrassing after all the hoopla I have tried to generate about Amorphophallus titanumi . . . Lois. After I probably made you feel really sad that YOU don't have a rare flower named after you *Nanny, nanny boo boo!* After I laid claim to such awesomeness *Avert your eyes! I have not given you permission to look upon me.* And, after I sorta left out some important information regarding her COMPLETE NAME and description *Well, of course Officer, I saw the speed limit sign. Ahem. I just didn't see YOU.*

Oh, don't get me wrong, everything I've said about her is accurate, but do you see those three little dots between Amorphophallus titanumi and Lois? That's called an ellipsis. It is a mark showing an intentional omission. In other words, I left something out on purpose. I left out the words, "Corpse Flower." And, did I forget to say that along with being one of the largest and rarest flowers in the world, she is also one of the SMELLIEST. *P. U.*

Okay. So now you know "the rest of the story." As you can see, you really DON'T have anything of which to be jealous. I've misled you, this is true, but I am still without a song. Are you satisfied now? Huh? You who probably has 2 or 3 songs of which you could call your own. *Who's smug now? Yeah, yeah.*

I should've said Amorphophallus titanumi: Corpse Flower "Lois" right from the start. But I didn't. *making a really dumb, sarcastic "duh!" face with crossed and bulging eyes* We all know what a corpse is. Sooooo, in short, this flower (whose description as defined by the Oxford American dictionary is a dead body) shares my name. Now tell me, how romantic is that? Oh, and did I mention that when this Amorphophallus titanumi Corpse Flower "Lois" blooms she is gonna smell like the grave? *Yum-O!* Can you believe the masses are just DYING *pun intended* to bombard their nostrils with her stench? They are waiting with great anticipation, and they are actually PAYING to be able to do so. There is no limit to their devotion. They've even made buttons and T-shirts to commemorate the occasion! Oh, don't believe me? Well, I have proof. Just look for yerself, kiddo.

*I bet I could find a super cute jacket on which to wear that "I LOVE LOIS" button.* =)

Looks like the gig's up. I knew you'd find out sooner or later. It was fun while it lasted, though. Haha!

Well, I hope you got a laugh or two at my expense. If not, and you are sitting there . . . just sitting there . . . don't worry. Be happy! You'll be your normal, stuffy self any moment now. And hey, for all you plant lovers, curious people, and folks with nuttin' better to do - you can learn more about this unique flower by checking out the links below. See ya and thanks for stoppin' by! =)

http://blog.hmns.org/?tag=lois

www.hmnsmedia.org/CorpseFlower/

SLEEPLESS ON THE GULF COAST

Guess who woke up at 2:20 this morning? Yep. You guessed it, our little man.  I thought you might like to see some of the pictures I took of him bouncing up and down in his crib looking as adorable as a baby can look.

Ain't he a stinker??

AAHHH, CHOCOLATE

This afternoon my son and I made these cookies. I mixed up the ingredients (the FUN part), he baked them (the HARD part), and we all ate them (the BEST part). Of course, the most delicious way to wash these babies down is with a cute little glass of semi-sweet chocolate chips! Who needs milk?? =)

You can find this recipe in my RECIPE page under my Stick Family. Look for CHOCOLATE CHIPPY, NUTTY, COCONUTTY COOKIES.

LASIK UPDATE

Well, hubby seems to feel that the LASIK surgery was a success! He is very happy with the results. Only one small "tweak" needs to be made to help get his close range vision up to speed. He has to give it a month, but if it hasn't cleared up by then, he will most likely be going under the laser again. He does need to use eye drops several times each day, but that's a small inconvenience considering he now has 20/15 eyesight!

As for me? Well, lets just say I'll be sportin' these beauties awhile longer. =)

GOD IS SO GOOD

After years of faithfully serving and providing for me and our children my husband has finally put himself first.  Our son wanted to do something for his dad, and my husband really wanted to have his vision corrected . . . so today was the day he had LASIK eye surgery. WHAT A WONDERFUL BLESSING

Everything went perfectly. The procedure was basically done in "a blink of an eye" (pun intended ;) It is truly amazing what God has allowed doctors to do. First, a corneal flap was made on both eyes. My husband said he felt pressure and a little discomfort, but it was over SO FAST! He couldn't believe how quickly the doctor was able to work.

After the flaps were made he was ushered into a little room right outside of the operating room where he was told to rest his eyes a short while. Within 10 minutes he was lying on another table on the opposite side of the operating room where the doctor completed the procedure. This time he said he felt nothing.

He saw circles of light at one point when the lasers were being used on his eyes. The doctor told him to look up, or down, or at a green light, and before he knew it, he was ready to go home. Each eye was given a protective covering (or shield) in order to prevent anything from disturbing the flaps which had already begun to adhere in their original position. A fashionable pair of sunglasses completed his ensemble.









Once home his instructions were to sleep. It is best to keep the eyes closed right after surgery. He was given several different eye drops to use for the next 5 days. These eye drops are to prevent infection, inflammation, discomfort, and to keep the eyes moist. My hubby's been fast asleep for several hours now. I expect he'll be asleep until I wake him for his follow-up appointment. I can not tell you how excited I am to see his face when he opens his "new" eyes for the first time tomorrow. All I can say is, "God is SO good!

Oh, yeah - if he looks a little "dopey" in the pictures - we're blaming it on the Valium! :)

MONDAY MORNING BATTLE CRY

IT'S LIFE'S LITTLE BLESSINGS THAT MAKE ME SMILE

Yesterday my husband came home from a long, hard day at work. He took a few minutes to relax on our bed while I sat with him and held our little one.

Our little baby began smiling, laughing, singing, grunting, wiggling, bopping, twisting, pushing, clapping, waving, and nuzzling . . . nodding . . . exhaling. . . relaxing. . . sleeping.

After all that commotion (which by-the-way lasted about 5 minutes), I looked over at Daddy, and what do you know? He had fallen asleep, too!  :)

"OO-RAH!"

I received this ring as a belated birthday gift. The ONLY reason it was late was because I couldn't figure out what I wanted for my birthday. It took me awhile, but then I found this ring. It is PERFECT. I feel blessed to have received this token of love for me! =)

My name is on the left side of the eagle, globe, and anchor, and my husband's name is on the right side (as you look at the ring.) Semper Fidelis is engraved on the inside of the band. That is the Marine Corps motto and it means, "Always faithful."

DOES THIS TREE GROW IN YOUR YARD?

I hired a plumber to help me restore an old farmhouse.

He had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric drill quit, and his ancient one-ton truck refused to start.

While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.

When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation! His face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward, he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.

"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, those troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So, I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home, and ask God to take care of 'em. Then in the morning I pick 'em up again. Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick 'em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before."

CHICK-FIL-A BALLAD

CHARLIE BIT ME

CHARLIE BIT ME . . . 15 YEARS LATER

A CHUCKLE 4U - "Worth A Thousand Words"

Here is a picture of the latest cell phone technology. It's the new "Hands Free Adapter."

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I read an article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. ARE THEY KIDDING? That's my idea of a perfect day! :)

NEED I SAY MORE?

CAN YOU ANSWER THIS RIDDLE?

When asked this riddle, 80% of kindergarten students GOT the answer, compared to 17% of Stanford University seniors. Let's see how well you guys do...

What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich need it, and if you eat it, you will die?

Leave your answer in my comments box. Thanks! ;)

AAHHH, TASTY!

Almost time to start feeding Maximus solid foods. Do you think I should start him on this?? ;)